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Spammer Rage Comics [REPRINT]

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Who becomes a spammer?! This is Derp Lerp.

As a boy, Derp was full of fun, love, and optimism.

His parents separation at 12 fried his bacon.

Derp began abusing booze and trees.

He was usually shown the door quickly.

Sad, and broken, Derp continued his descent.

Then he met scammess Derpina Lerpessa.

Derpina was a Class A sociopathic menace.

Misdemeanor was all in a days'' scam.

She just KNEW she''d found her pigeon.

She focused all her scammishness on him.

Derpina waylaid him with
the beasting of his life.

"FINALLY!", Derp thought, "troo luv!"

Derp celebrated aimlessly once again.

"You know you need to help
support my luxury habits, right?!"

"What tha eff?!" Not it...Not even close.

"You know they''re coming to repo our aircastle?"

"On the InterWebz I herd yu kin make cash with no work!"

Derp searched for "MMO" info, giving his credit card a workout.

"Why is it SO effin' hard to make money online?!?", Derp raged.

Then he heard, for $97, he'd get a letter that made a million.

Derp dispatched it in hopes of success.

The (few) friends he had cringed, then deleted him.

Any and everyone else chose
to ruthlessly mock him.

"This is NOT what I had in mind", Derpina thought.

"BTW, I'm doing the landlord, so leave the keys?"


I thought we had that aircastle in the sky?!!!

Derp decided to man up and take control of his life.

Somehow, Derpina was able to cash in on him for $50k!


Somehow, the scenario of the last frame is too much to ask for, but I continue to hope everyday that a trite, broken spammer decides to end their life and acknowledge their essential uselessness. Oh, don't give me that crap about tolerance and all of that because I'm not buying it. Spammers are only a rung up from that bottom of the food chain we know and despise as Scammers. And, they tend to run in the same circles. People, if I wanted Viagra, or some (non-functional) hair-enhancement, or any of the thousands of inane and unappealing crap items passing for product these days, you can sure believe that I'd already have it. My main beef is with the fact of how cravenly idiotic the Spammer Nation has become in the past few years. They'll learn when Social Mayhem becomes an official offline sport. Because of them, I'm glad there are alternative captcha comment technologies like Disqus, where only those signed up for the service are able to put in their two cents. And I'd much prefer to hear from that bunch (of which I am a member). Now I don't waste time worrying about comment spam...